who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so let's talk penis.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dignity is for republicans.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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