The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
