i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
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my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
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You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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