eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
