dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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