My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
