you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
