Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
