Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
