I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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