I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
