my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
