im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
