Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
