she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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