remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
