I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
