i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
