I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
