God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
