I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
