I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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