I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
