He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Randomize
