I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
