I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
