I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
