He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
And then he peed in my hair
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