I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
