you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
