After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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