Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
