Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
