I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
