please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
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Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
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I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
my poor anus
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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