I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
