How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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