The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
pray to the hookup gods
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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