Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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