I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
