I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
