one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
