Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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