sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
