Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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