I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
