i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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