I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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