she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
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I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
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I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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