if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I still have a little drunk in my system
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
