its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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