Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
