I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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