i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
