That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
