It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
