Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
