Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
