you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
