Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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