so that wasnt chicken after all
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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