guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
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