You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize